c h é r i e

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A Lost Friendship

with 10 comments

Have you ever lost a friendship?

I have. It was with one of the closest friends I have ever had – someone whom I would refer to as F. We knew each other for 5 years and were best of friends, before we parted ways last year. To date, no one, not even our common friends knew what had happened including yours truly. Maybe it was pent up frustrations and misunderstandings that no one had ever tried to clear or explain. At the very least, it remained this way in my personal opinion. I’ve asked, but I did not get an answer on how did it happened and why did it happened in her perspective.

*This post was written almost a year ago and it has been in my drafts for as long as I can remember. I’m also not sure why I got the sudden urge to post this out. It came a little late, or maybe too late. But, I still have a little hope that we could work things out.

 

How We Knew Each Other

I first knew F when I was 19. That was 5 years ago. I remembered at that time, it was our first semester in University. I never knew who F was until we were introduced by another friend of ours, S.

Before we knew it, the 3 of us became very close friends. We would often hang out on- and off- line and just chat for hours and hours to no end. One of the things I looked forward every day in and after school was just hanging out with them. I felt really happy just being around them.

Over the next few semesters in University, F and I stayed closely connected, while we drifted away from S. F was my closest friend ever.

 

Friend: “How long have you known each other?”

Me: “We JUST knew each other”

F: “We knew each other in University, not long, at most a few months?”

Friend: “HUH?! Are you sure? If you never tell me, I thought you girls have known each other since young!”

 

No one could ever guess. F was even closer to me than anyone. We were like a couple, just of the same gender. She was the one person whom I knew I could trust my life with and she would protect it with her life. She knew that I would do the same for her too. She would always be there to provide a listening ear whenever I needed one, no matter how busy she was or what she was occupied with. Whether I was upset, angry or happy, she would be there to listen.

 

Some of the Things We Would Do Together

We would laugh our hearts out over the slightest thing. We would dry each other’s tears. We would celebrate each other’s birthdays and plan surprises for each other. We would have movie dates together. We would engage in harmless bitching sessions just to de-stress. We would poke fun at everything and anything visible to our naked eyeballs. We would plan and organize overseas trips together. We would engage in loads and loads and loads of photo taking sessions, everywhere and anywhere. We would go round Singapore (and even KL) to taste and experience new cuisines together. We would go round hunting for desserts together. We took classes together, if not, we would take different classes at similar timeslots so we could meet each other after class. We would chat in class even though we were side by side. We would join CCAs together. We would chat endlessly online every day. We would stay up till the next morning watching Korean dramas etc.

Those were the days. Our conversations covered just about everything and anything, from daily events, life, movies, our families, friends, relationships, school, gossips, fashion, shopping, eating, our favorite Korean dramas, hobbies etc.

Deep down, I felt extremely blessed and thankful to have a friend like F. Not because we had a lot of things in common but because I knew that I wanted this friendship so much that I would do all means to protect what we had.

Maybe, maybe I had not done enough. But I did everything I could, I did my best.

 

The End of Our Friendship

Our friendship may have started off on a strong note 5 years ago, but it had evolved over the years to become one which was left dangling. It was obvious that this friendship was no longer what it used to be. It breaks my heart terribly.

A broken vase can never be mended. I should have known it better.

Obviously, no one goes into a friendship with the intention of ending it. However, I have learned from this incident that there are times when ending a friendship is the best way forward, especially so when everything has already been done to work out the issues. No point blaming or hating one another.

I guess F must have felt that this friendship had caused her more anguish than joy. F might also feel that she had invested a lot of time and energy into this friendship. Many things had changed over the course of 5 years, including us. Our fundamental values and beliefs could also be different.

As all of us evolve in our own personal journeys, we will cross paths with many different people. Some will be just a brief encounter, some will stay for a while and some will stay for an extended period of time. F and I had lost a connection we had towards one another, a bond so strong that I thought nothing could break it apart, but somehow it did. Perhaps one day, we might just cross paths again. Time will heal a lot of things but some things might and can never be the same again.

I miss you F. Thank you for being part of my life. You brought so much joy and laughter to my life that I can never thank you enough for that. I hope that you are doing well wherever you are. You will and always remain close to my heart.

 

 

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Written by cherielee

Friday, February 12, 2010 at 4:19 pm

10 Responses

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  1. sometimes shit happens. i truly understand how you feel. i felt the same way too when my bf told me she no longer wanted to be friends with me without telling me a reason why. till now i still miss her alot and wonder how she is coping on with her life. but since she is not willing to play a part in this friendship, you have to move on babe. there will be someone else out there who is worth much more. keep these little notes as memories instead.

    hugs

    Friday, February 12, 2010 at 11:49 pm

  2. Thank you for your sweet words hugs. I will bear them in mind :) I’m sure you have gone through alot too. I hope that you have found someone who is worth much more, if not, soon. All the best!

    cherielee

    Saturday, February 13, 2010 at 1:25 am

  3. its hard to maintain a true friendship. but its not impossible. its like finding a partner. cheer up babe!

    Evon

    Saturday, February 13, 2010 at 8:45 pm

  4. HAPPY NEW YEAR!! :))) hope you had a great reunion dinner and collect lots of ang baos! you will get to see your elvin ng on tv later!! *drools*

    ailing

    Saturday, February 13, 2010 at 9:08 pm

  5. Evon: Thanks dear :)

    ailing: Hope CNY was great for you! I did get to see Elvin Ng! haha in pink :)

    cherielee

    Friday, February 19, 2010 at 8:19 am

  6. I can truly understand your feelings (i kinda have the issue). But cheer up babe, one day you will find one who truly appreciates you for who you are. =]

    Ada

    Thursday, February 25, 2010 at 6:25 pm

  7. Thanks babe :)

    cherielee

    Thursday, March 4, 2010 at 12:22 pm

  8. Thanks for this post

    Eastwood

    Friday, March 12, 2010 at 11:05 pm

  9. I feel ya. Indeed a truly heartfelt post, each word written with every beat of the heart.

    I’ve always believed that all our paths crossed for a reason.

    I have met so many people in my lifetime. Some are still in my life, some just briefly passed through. I am grateful for each one of them. Each person that we meet teaches us something, brings something into our lives or many times they need something from us. I am happy to give whatever it is that they need, be it a kind word or deed or maybe just a hug.

    I have friends that are so close to my heart and they will never know the depth of love I feel for them. Love is not something you can measure or hold in your hand. It is a deep feeling that only each of us can feel ourselves. We can try to convey to others how we feel but it is impossible to let them feel that love completely.

    I am a simple person that loves life. I love people and try to see the good in all I meet. I met a woman 31 years ago that I thought was my friend. As I got to know her I saw that she was self-centered but just kept overlooking that as we all have our faults and our good points. Many times over the years she hurt me, but I continued being her friend. She would stay out of my life for a while then sweep back in as though nothing happened. I would welcome her back each time. After 29 years of this behaviour she cut me out of her life once again for a silly selfish reason. I have read that sometimes when people walk away from you you just have to let them go. This last time I did, I tried to make amends with her but to no avail. She wanted nothng to do with me, would not even acknowledge me. It hurt, but I was tired of working at a friendship that seemed like a one way road. So I let it go. I hadn’t spoke to her in 2 years when I got a call a couple of months ago from her daughter that she was in the hospital and was not expected to make it. It hurt my heart as I loved her and wanted her to be well. She passed away in August. It is still hard for me to believe.

    You have to share the love you have, it is who we are. There is a lady that lives in the building where I lived, she is very bitter and angry. It is written all over her face and in her mannerisms. I feel sad for her. Her words and voice are filled with anger, as if to say ‘Leave me alone’. A heart beating inside, a spirit that is held in prison. Such a sad way to live. I see her and send blessings her way. How can someone be so cold?

    I have a friend that is full of love and life. She laughs a lot and never ceases to lift me up and tell me how much she loves me. We have been friends for 40 years. I guess you could say she is my soul sister. Always understanding, never judging. She gets down at times and it is my turn to lift her up. She has been my rock, my friend, my counselor, my sounding board, a soft place to fall. we have been there for each other through so much. It is comforting to know that I can depend on her and she on me. I try to do this with people in my life. Tell them of their good qualities, tell them how much I love them. Tell them how much they mean to me.

    I have another friend that blows my mind. I only met him 15 months ago and yet I know he is the smartest man I have ever met and has so much common sense. He is a wonderful person, very kind, good hearted, very compassionate, Great dad, excellent cook, works hard, takes his responsibilities very seriously, loves his family. I am in awe of him. He has a sharp memory and has so many good ideas. Sometimes I wonder why he doesn’t run for President/Prime Minister or at least some office that can begin to make a difference for this country. He would be a breath of fresh air for all of us. He says things that are thought provoking for me and for many others I am sure. I am happy in so many ways that he crossed my path, he has taught me much about myself and about how each of us should be on the inside.

    We are all just human beings trying to make it in this old world. If each of us would just touch each person that we meet in some kind way. So many are so angry with life, with the way things are going, with others, that that anger kind of pushes the love to the back burner. We need to push the anger aside and look at each new morning as a chance to show our love to those who cross our paths. We all need it and we all have it, some of us just have to reach a little deeper to find it, but it is there and it is alive and well. We are all the same on the inside but it is what we do with what we have on the inside that makes a difference. We can share or keep it to ourselves, but I have found that when we share ourselves, our goodness, our love, it will always come back to us in some way, some day. I choose to love and do or say what I can to lift up those who, I am so humbled to have them, cross my path….

    (Just thought I could share this write up with ya) =)

    CoffeewithKaraNB

    Tuesday, November 30, 2010 at 7:19 pm

  10. Hi CoffeewithKaraNB, thank you for sharing this write up with me. Really appreciate your heartfelt thoughts and comments :)

    There’s a saying that goes, “There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.”

    I don’t think I am as gracious as you to see all the good in those I’ve met. Maybe I was betrayed and disappointed too many times. But I do know that there are really nice people around. I took part in a pageant once and was feeling a little sore in my throat, a friend gave me a packet of Honey Lemon Strepsils the next day. It wasn’t worth millions but to me her gesture was priceless. I’m not very expressive and all I did was to say Thank You. However, deep down I was feeling so… (I just can’t find that word to describe but it was definitely good) Also, I was a student helper for Patron’s Day during my undergraduate days, I was feeling feverish and the Dean of Students saw me. He asked me how I was and left. But that wasn’t the end. He left just to buy a box of Lemsip (medicine for cold and fever) and made it for me! I was so touched by his gesture!!

    I’m ‘tearing’ as I type this recalling how awesome these people are. Definitely, all our paths crossed for a reason :) and thank you CoffeewithKaraNB, for ‘crossing’ by my post and leaving this wonderful write up :) This really made me ponder alot on the different aspects of life and people.

    cherielee

    Thursday, December 2, 2010 at 10:42 am


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