A Lost Friendship
Have you ever lost a friendship?
I have. It was with one of the closest friends I have ever had – someone whom I would refer to as F. We knew each other for 5 years and were best of friends, before we parted ways last year. To date, no one, not even our common friends knew what had happened including yours truly. Maybe it was pent up frustrations and misunderstandings that no one had ever tried to clear or explain. At the very least, it remained this way in my personal opinion. I’ve asked, but I did not get an answer on how did it happened and why did it happened in her perspective.
*This post was written almost a year ago and it has been in my drafts for as long as I can remember. I’m also not sure why I got the sudden urge to post this out. It came a little late, or maybe too late. But, I still have a little hope that we could work things out.
How We Knew Each Other
I first knew F when I was 19. That was 5 years ago. I remembered at that time, it was our first semester in University. I never knew who F was until we were introduced by another friend of ours, S.
Before we knew it, the 3 of us became very close friends. We would often hang out on- and off- line and just chat for hours and hours to no end. One of the things I looked forward every day in and after school was just hanging out with them. I felt really happy just being around them.
Over the next few semesters in University, F and I stayed closely connected, while we drifted away from S. F was my closest friend ever.
Friend: “How long have you known each other?”
Me: “We JUST knew each other”
F: “We knew each other in University, not long, at most a few months?”
Friend: “HUH?! Are you sure? If you never tell me, I thought you girls have known each other since young!”
No one could ever guess. F was even closer to me than anyone. We were like a couple, just of the same gender. She was the one person whom I knew I could trust my life with and she would protect it with her life. She knew that I would do the same for her too. She would always be there to provide a listening ear whenever I needed one, no matter how busy she was or what she was occupied with. Whether I was upset, angry or happy, she would be there to listen.
Some of the Things We Would Do Together
We would laugh our hearts out over the slightest thing. We would dry each other’s tears. We would celebrate each other’s birthdays and plan surprises for each other. We would have movie dates together. We would engage in harmless bitching sessions just to de-stress. We would poke fun at everything and anything visible to our naked eyeballs. We would plan and organize overseas trips together. We would engage in loads and loads and loads of photo taking sessions, everywhere and anywhere. We would go round Singapore (and even KL) to taste and experience new cuisines together. We would go round hunting for desserts together. We took classes together, if not, we would take different classes at similar timeslots so we could meet each other after class. We would chat in class even though we were side by side. We would join CCAs together. We would chat endlessly online every day. We would stay up till the next morning watching Korean dramas etc.
Those were the days. Our conversations covered just about everything and anything, from daily events, life, movies, our families, friends, relationships, school, gossips, fashion, shopping, eating, our favorite Korean dramas, hobbies etc.
Deep down, I felt extremely blessed and thankful to have a friend like F. Not because we had a lot of things in common but because I knew that I wanted this friendship so much that I would do all means to protect what we had.
Maybe, maybe I had not done enough. But I did everything I could, I did my best.
The End of Our Friendship
Our friendship may have started off on a strong note 5 years ago, but it had evolved over the years to become one which was left dangling. It was obvious that this friendship was no longer what it used to be. It breaks my heart terribly.
A broken vase can never be mended. I should have known it better.
Obviously, no one goes into a friendship with the intention of ending it. However, I have learned from this incident that there are times when ending a friendship is the best way forward, especially so when everything has already been done to work out the issues. No point blaming or hating one another.
I guess F must have felt that this friendship had caused her more anguish than joy. F might also feel that she had invested a lot of time and energy into this friendship. Many things had changed over the course of 5 years, including us. Our fundamental values and beliefs could also be different.
As all of us evolve in our own personal journeys, we will cross paths with many different people. Some will be just a brief encounter, some will stay for a while and some will stay for an extended period of time. F and I had lost a connection we had towards one another, a bond so strong that I thought nothing could break it apart, but somehow it did. Perhaps one day, we might just cross paths again. Time will heal a lot of things but some things might and can never be the same again.
I miss you F. Thank you for being part of my life. You brought so much joy and laughter to my life that I can never thank you enough for that. I hope that you are doing well wherever you are. You will and always remain close to my heart.